This month marks one year from the inaugural JButting In post on this site. But don’t get us wrong; we’ve been arguing for a lot longer than that.
So in celebration of our totally insignificant debates, we’ve highlighted some of our favorite lines and mashed them all together in a super random way and completely out of context. Good luck.
Clay: So did you get a chance to see The Monuments Men?
JButt: Please. Anything you can play half-drunk gets discounted.
Clay: Oh yeah! I’ve been ad hominemed. I would never do that. Also, JR. is a booger-brain and has cooties.
JButt: UMMM, you’re totally overlooking Samwise Gamgee, Mister Clofdo.
Clay: I AM NOT CLAY HENRY FORD. You were probably named after Jessica Fletcher. BOOM. Murder She Wrote reference on the internet in the 21st century. Are you bitter because you weren’t named after Jem? She’s truly truly truly outrageous ya know.
JButt: That was a balcony full of handsome. I agree with your opinion that Brad Pitt is one handsome man, and his movies are cool.
Clay: THAT’S when I started thinking about the similarities between Pirates of the Caribbean and The Princess Bride.
JButt: Sure, if I can call you Nancy.
Clay: What I’m hearing is that you’re still angry because you didn’t get picked for the figure skating team.
JButt: UMMM IT CLEARLY SAYS I AM. You’re just jealous of my square jaw. PLUS it said Raph and Leo CONSTANTLY CLASH. If that’s not real life, then I don’t know what is.
Clay: *Muggle high 5*
JButt: A.) NOT A BIOLOGIST, but pretty sure gators and snakes are kind of two different things. B.) You know what’s real? Gators. You know what’s not real? Zombies.
Clay: Forget billiards. What the Smurf is Orienteering? I got a SPORTS question on it?
JButt: UGHHHHH, I give up, Yankee Doodle. God save the Queen.
Clay: Why do you want to ruin my hypothetical life so bad?
JButt: Don’t stand too close to me, just in case you get struck by lightning real quick.
Clay: Here’s one for you. Know what the scientific name for a knee cap is? Patella. Cool, classy, refined. Know what elbow skin is called? WEENIS. “Oh, look at me. I have quadruple weenis!”
JButt: YOU’RE BEING RIDICULOUS, COUSIN LARRY.
Clay: You do have a certain Oompa Loompa factor. The height, the stern expression, the ominous acapella and harpsichord music playing when you enter a room.
JButt: On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d say a visit to the dentist. Necessary from time to time, but there are somewhere around an infinite number of things I’d rather be doing.
Clay: So to be clear, it’s not history you hate, just ME talking about history. Perfect.
JButt: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. You’re acting like the original director of The Goonies didn’t just say The Goonies 2 is definitely happening. You mean to tell me the man who brought The Goonies to life in the first place is WRONG? You mean to tell me the totally un-senile ramblings of an octogenarian clinging to the glory days should be DISMISSED? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME COREY FELDMAN HASN’T BEEN 100% ON BOARD SINCE 1993???
Clay: *reaches for liquor bottle*
JButt: UGHHHH. WHO HURT YOU, CLAY?
Clay: Since this is serious business there’s not even ketchup involved. How did I forget Chick-Fil-A?! Yes, those win.
JButt: WHATever. You just got yourself uninvited to my birthday balcony.
Clay: Hey, you can’t editor-note-declare-yourself-winner-and-dance-off-victoriously-into-the-sunset me! Hello? Are you listening to me? Sigh…
JButt: HEY. I KNOW STUFF. Like, superheroes have muscles. Hello, muscles.
Clay: Well, at least you’re not OVERREACTING.
JButt: Moms are actually not that great as measures of success. I can say that because I am one. Moving on.
Clay: I’M GETTING WEIRD? You pick like a girl.
JButt: I will only accept Wonder Woman as portrayed by circa-1990s Lucy Lawless. They can do that, right?
Clay: Take your Ritalin and focus, Jessie. We’re not talking about Xena: Warrior Princess.
JButt: Except you LITERALLY just described gymnastics. And cheerleading. And figure skating.
Clay: You are the Krang of this relationship.
JButt: I am the opposite of partial to Peeta.
Clay: Gosh, you’re lucky it’s your birthday because I will spare Matt Damon on your behalf because your feelings for him are just kind of sad. But listen: IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
JButt: Why, yes, we do! Hit the Jackal switch, Clay!
Clay: Yes. Only you’re not getting paid. And we aren’t on TV. And there’s no live audience, unless you count my dog. Do you even listen to us?
[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]http://www.norvillerogers.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Jessica-Buttram2a.jpeg[/author_image] [author_info]Jessica Buttram writes, parents, laughs, and eats too much chocolate, probably right this very moment and often all at the same time. She’s also your biggest fan. Find. Friend. Follow.[/author_info] [/author]
