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Monuments Men: Satisfying or Disappointing?

Clay Morgan discusses pop culture while Jessica Buttram won’t let him finish. The latest J Butting In spat began when Clay asked…

Clay Morgan discusses pop culture while Jessica Buttram won’t let him finish. The latest J Butting In spat began when Clay asked…

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Clay: So did you get a chance to see The Monuments Men(Note: spoilers ahead)

JButt: You mean Oceans WWII?

Clay: Funny, but seriously, wasn’t it sad how ungreat it was?

JButt: Um, huh? I think there’s a typo in there. I think it’s sad the Italian died because he chased a horse into the middle of a battlefield.

Clay: I’m trying to remember the Italian who died. Was that the guy who was smoking in the middle of a shootout between Germans and Americans? I don’t remember a horse at all.

JButt: That’s the guy and there was most definitely a horse. I think he was trying to pet it.

Clay: But I struggled to pay attention because the film was so dull.

JButt: But CLAY. HISTORY is dull. I would have paid much better attention in social studies if everyone involved looked like Matt Damon or George Clooney. #shallowhal

Clay: Wait a second. Did you say history is dull? CALM DOWN. I’ve spent my career working against that stereotype, doncha know?

JButt: We can argue about the varying degrees of history dullness later. Meanwhile, remember the other sad part when the British guy didn’t get a decent shot at the Nazi who stole the Madonna even though he had the element of surprise and was literally within point blank range?

But that’s the extent of my sadness. I quite liked it, and so did my history major husband, which totally validates my opinion, sir. And now I’m genuinely concerned about your taste, Clay.

Clay: Well, my history degree negates your husband’s history degree, so if that’s your only argument I just washed it away.

JButt: Fair enough, equal footing then. And I guess there’s a limit to artistic liberties when it comes to actual real life stories. But why couldn’t the Italian and the British live to touch the Madonna one last time like George Clooney in pretty convincing Old Guy Make-Up? That sounds dirty.

Clay: Artistic liberties? In real life there were hundreds of monuments men and women.

JButt: Then it’s a good thing they picked the ones who looked like Matt and George. And Cate. Don’t you just LOVE her??

CLAY: Not that I needed the movie to include all of them I was SOOO excited to see this one. George Clooney simply struggled to decide what kind of movie he wanted to make.

JButt: A good one? I feel like he just wanted to make a good one.

Clay: I felt jerked around by different tones and couldn’t meet the characters.

JButt: I enjoyed the different tones. It was poignant mixed with the comedic, because LIFE is poignant mixed with the comedic. ART IMITATES LIFE IMITATES ART, because they were stealing art. LOLOLOL, get it?

Clay: Do you enjoy schizophrenia too? Because it’s weird for me to bounce from a cheeky training montage into an action sniper scene and back to dramatic exposition about the horrors of Hitler’s crimes all while each character was developed for like 4 seconds each.

JButt: Character development! I felt like the characters were well-developed. They were: George Clooney as bookish George Clooney, Matt Damon as Matt Damon But During WWII, Bill Murray as Dang, Bill Murray Got Old, John Goodman as Sully in Real Life, and The Actor Everyone Recognizes But Doesnt Know His Name, We Only Know Hes Roughly Three Feet Tall. There’s only so much attention people are willing to give these days, so it had to move quickly enough without losing the weight of the story – we have these brave men and women to thank for preserving our cultural history. We also have to thank Cate Blanchett for that fantastic French accent.

Truly, the only real low point to me was when the Korean guy sitting right next to me answered his cell phone THREE TIMES and spoke to some lady IN KOREAN. I mean, I couldn’t even eavesdrop. So inconsiderate.

Clay: Um, I don’t remember the Korean guy either.


Clay: You have a problem with this whole Clooney and Damon thing. You know who did leave Ocean’s Eleven to make an awesome World War 2 movie? Brad “Inglorious Basterds” Pitt, that’s who.

JButt: He also made World War Z, which is still giving me nightmares. HE JUST LOPPED OFF HER ARM LIKE IT WAS NBD.

Clay: World War Z was so good. Remember that part in the research center? And the stuff on the plane?

JButt: And on the ground and on a train? So does this mean I’m right and you’re wrong, Sam I am? Although I will concede that Brad cracking open a Coke in the middle of a zombie horde was straight up badass.

Wait. What are we talking about again?

Clay: We were just talking about you agreeing that Monuments Men was dull even though it raises important questions about the value of art, life, and culture. It’s basically a very handsome documentary.

JButt: FINE. Although when handsomeness is involved, EVERYONE WINS.

[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’][/author_image] [author_info]Jessica Buttram writes, parents, laughs, and eats too much chocolate, probably right this very moment and often all at the same time. She’s also your biggest fan. Find. Friend. Follow.[/author_info] [/author]

Who do you agree with? You should totally pick sides.

By Clay Morgan

Clay Morgan is the author of Undead. Say hi on Twitter.