Creative Nonfiction

Fox News Declares Whitest Christmas Ever

Some stories just won’t go away until I write about them. But maybe you haven’t heard about Honky Jesus and Cracker Santa yet. So here’s the rundown on this cable news debacle. Don’t worry I’ll try to ignore how sad it is and just tell you the funny parts. (If you want to skip it all and get to the funny recut of It’s A Wonderful Life that’s the last video).

It all started with an article on called Santa Should Not Be A White Man Anymore. Read it if you want, but you’ll be able to keep up without doing so.

Nancy Reagan with Mr. T as Santa
Conservative Godmother Nancy Reagan Embraces African-American Santa/Mr. T (If at any point you feel unhappy or uncomfortable about what’s happening in this blog post, just look at this picture again. Repeat as needed.)

Things got obliteratingly stupid ridiculous when Megyn Kelly of Fox News hosted a panel on her show to talk about how crazy this idea was because Santa Claus is totally a white guy. ERRBODY knows that. But why stop there. Kelly proceeded to point out, matter-of-factly, that Jesus was a white guy. IT’S JUST A HISTORICAL FACT YOU GUYS.

*strangles myself with tinsel*

Here it is if you can handle cringing a lot.

My good friend JR. Forasteros (who has an amazing new website you should check out) summed it up best:

Fox News actually said Jesus was a white man. For real. In real life. This happened. WHAT. IN. THE. WORLD.

Rather than try to take on what happened on this panel blow-by-blow (including the fact that NO ONE else disagreed with her), I’ll offer Exhibit C, a 9+ minute (and not the cleanest bit of comedy if you’re sensitive to such things) rebuttal (read: takedown) of Kelly and pals by Jon Stewart on The Daily Show.

Look, I’ve heard Megyn Kelly talk intelligently on plenty of topics before. That is to say I know she has a brain, so how in the world could such ideas slip out so nonchalantly? Well, I think it speaks to some cultural assumptions that are at the heart of inequality issues. I do not mean to say that everybody who opposes Kelly or Fox News is 100% correct. At all.

And I know how this works. When I point out something stupid done by liberals my conservative friends get happy and supportive while my liberal friends simmer and seethe. And when I point out something stupid done by conservatives it seems just the opposite happens. I suppose that instead of being political I’d rather point out the common theme that folks on both sides can be absurd. My hope is that we can find common ground in our recognition of that reality. After all, people on both sides can be naughty and nice. MAYBE, just maybe, we can move on with more humility in our views on highly charged issues.

Now back to the story at hand and a fun finish (at least for me). Jimmy Kimmel did a bit on this fiasco as well. If you don’t want to hear more of the same in his setup, just skip to the 2:01 mark for a great parody on the Fox News version of It’s A Wonderful Life.

Finally, if you feel like I’m giving Fox News a raw deal here, don’t worry, I’m sure MSNBC will give us reason to satire soon enough. Until then, I’m gonna go watch It’s A Wonderful Life because it’s one of the greatest movies ever made.

By Clay Morgan

Clay Morgan is the author of Undead. Say hi on Twitter.